THE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VS. THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS
In the interest of having something to write about (and a reason to post some pictures), I'm going pretend like this is a toss-up for me. The reality is that I have a clear preference which will be explained at the end. Here are some (non-)factors to consider.
The Quarterbacks
Seattle's and Washington's quarterbacks are fairly evenly matched. Russell Wilson has a Passer Rating of 100.0 and a QB Rating of 69.6. Robert Griffin III's stats are just a bit better with a Passer Rating of 102.4 and a QB Rating of 71.4. Click on their names for their complete stats--I don't feel like typing all of them. Conventional football wisdom (or a PTO, "penetrating glance at the obvious") says that since both rookies tend to be a bit uneven game to game, the winner will be the team whose quarterback performs better. So, who do we want to perform better, again it's a bit of a toss up.
The Hot Factor
RGIII is cute as a button and may be the first hipster NFL quarterback:
Wilson is just flat-out dreamy.
The bad news is it's very difficult to find a picture of either shirtless (and believe me, I tried). These will have to do for body comparisons.
I'm sorry, but I just can't say one is hotter than the other.
The Tebow Factor
I'm not against Christianity per se--some of my best friends are Christians, honest--but please keep it out of sports. Usually, displays of piety would cause me to write off a player. Unfortunately, Wilson and Griffin are both guilty of Tebowing in their own ways.
It's another draw for the God Squad.
The Tie-Break Round
After two rounds of rigorous analysis, I still can't pick a favorite QB in this match-up. Let's see if either of them has a little something special to push himself over the top.
Russell Wilson was also a professional baseball player. He was in fact drafted twice by MLB teams--first after high school, by the Baltimore Orioles (an offer he turned down in favor of attending NC State) and then after college by The Colorado Rockies--and he played some minor league ball.
Wilson looks fabulous in a baseball uniform, and I love that he played the game; however, I have to fault him for leaving the Great American Pastime for the far inferior sport of football. I would have disqualified him completely for this transgression, but then I saw this Levis commercial:
I'd feel like a jerk being too harsh to Wilson after hearing him praise his dead father so much. The dead parent card is such a conversation stopper that I won't even mention what a disappoint it is that there's no good shot of Wilson's butt in Levis.
As good as a career in baseball (even a short, abandon one) is in my book, it is trumped by a Heisman Trophy. RGIII won the Heisman last year:
AND HE WORE THESE SOCKS TO THE CEREMONY:
Robert Griffin III wins the Quarterback round!
Marriage Equality
Same-sex marriage became legal in the District of Columbia in 2009 making it the first place to have Marriage Equality south of the Mason-Dixon line. Thanks to the voters (with an extra big thanks to people who campaigned for it like Aunt Judy), there is now Marriage Equality in the great state of Washington. We have yet another tie here. The only reason to include this category is to post these two pictures that I love.
Everybody wins where there is love and equality!
The Final Verdict
I could go on with this charade of weighing the merits of Seattle versus Washington DC, but I might as well cut to the chase...
I am rooting for the Seahawks in part because I like them and Seattle, but really I am rooting against the Redskins because "REDSKINS" IS A FUCKING RACIST TEAM NAME! I went through this 25 years ago at Dartmouth--fighting against the "Indian symbol" and the vile Dartmouth Review. I'm not really up to going into it all again, so I'll let others do the heavy lifting for me. First, the brilliant John Fugelsang dismantles the use of American Indian symbols in general and the Redskins in particular:
In case there is any doubt left, the history of racism and the Washington Redskins goes beyond its mascot. The team was the last to integrate in the NFL because the owner, George Preston Marshall was totally a white supremacist. There's even been a whole book written about the struggle to get black players onto the team, Showdown: JFK and the Integration of the Washington Redskins by Thomas G. Smith. Michael Tomasky's New York Review of Books review of Showdown is well worth your time:
"As the 1950s arrived, more teams starting signing African-Americans. A turning point came when the great Jim Brown, from Syracuse, joined the Cleveland Browns in 1957. Brown’s domination on the field was so thorough that all questions about the skills of black players were erased—except in the nation’s capital, whose team, Marshall said, would 'start signing Negroes when the Harlem Globetrotters start signing whites.' Washingtonians, it must be said, did not simply let all this go unremarked. Redskins fans, then as now, were among the most passionate in the league, and many ardent supporters among both the Georgetown set and the hoi polloi urged Marshall to rethink matters. Their view was given its strongest expression by Shirley Povich, the star Washington Post sportswriter... [who] often wrote sentences like 'Jim Brown, born ineligible to play for the Redskins, integrated their end zone three times yesterday.' Marshall remained unmoved. In 1959—around about the time some Southern states were reintroducing the Confederate stars and bars to their flags—Marshall changed the lyrics of the team song from 'Fight for old D.C.' to 'Fight for old Dixie.' The marching band’s standard pregame routine involved playing 'Hail to the Redskins,' 'Dixie,' and 'The Star-Spangled Banner'—in that order. In 1960 and 1961, the team won just one game each year."
Really, go read the whole essay--it's easy to forget not only how deeply ingrained racism has been in American sports, but also how open "respected" businessmen and community leaders were about their white supremacist views not that long ago.
CASE CLOSED. GO SEAHAWKS!
THE INDIANAPOLIS COLTS VS. THE BALTIMORE RAVENS
Holy crap, there's a whole other game I have to weigh in on? I don't really care about football this much and I've been writing about for two days. Let's get this over with.
The Quarterbacks
Another fairly even match-up. This time around it's a battle of mediocrity. Andrew Luck of The Colts has a Passer Rating of 76.5 and a QB Rating of 65.0, and The Ravens' Joe Flacco has a better Passer Rating of 87.7 but a worse QB Rating of 46.8 (click on their names for full stats). Tiime to look at the photographic evidence.
Andrew Luck
Joe Flacco
Is it just me, or does Joe Flacco look like Andrew Luck's older brother? Neither one is particularly turning my gears--although I really do appreciate that they both look good walking away. Also, since this is purely subjective, I must say that they both look like a good friend's ex-husband (who I never really liked).
Since it's a draw on the hot factor, I'm going to give Flacco the win. He did well as a sub on my fantasy team when my regular QB, Aaron Rodger (I know I took Rodgers to task in my last post, but our relationship is complicated and as a pretend sports owner I had to put winning ahead of personal issues.) had a bye week. Flacco did well by me, so this is the thanks he gets.
The Teams Histories
I'm against all new teams that have been established or moved or changed names recently--and in my world "recently" is sometime in the 1980's. The Indianapolis Colts should, of course be in Baltimore, but they moved in 1984 when my mind was elastic enough to accept the change. Still, Diner would not have been as good if it had been set in Indianapolis.
The Baltimore Ravens, on the other hand, are just not right. Their only saving grace is that the team is named after an Edgar Allen Poe poem, and Poe is probably the single figure in American Arts & Letters who I would least associate with football. In the end, the poetic irony of the name "The Ravens" is not enough...
Indianapolis takes the win.
The Final Verdict
Again we find ourselves with a tie, so...
I'm giving the win to the Baltimore Ravens because... JOHN WATERS!
And also in memory of the much missed Baltimore Club Atlantis (where John Waters filmed this scene):
GO RAVENS!
Great posts, Chris. I'm sure you were just too tired to mention it, but you're aware that the Ravens are actually the old Cleveland Browns, right? They moved from Cleveland to Baltimore, under the "leadership" of Art Modell, who whisked them away like a thief in the night, abandoning a loyal and passionate fan base in favor of a new stadium and a new market. Thus making a stronger case for the Colts in this game.
ReplyDeleteThanks! Yes, "The Baltimore Ravens...are just not right," was my shorthand for that whole story. I just couldn't open up that whole can of worms.
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