Lance Armstrong's Next Big Confession?

So, Fucking Lance Armstrong told Oprah that his "perfect story" was "one big lie". All the media is focusing on his lies about doping, and then his lies about lying about doping. However, drug allegations weren't the only rumors about Lance during the height of his career. There was much internet speculation that perhaps the "b" should be dropped when people talked about his "bromance" with Matthew McConaughey.

 

The pictures of them exercising shirtless together started the stories that they were more than "work out buddies" (because everyone knows that jogging on the beach is foreplay for the gays).

There were even rumors of a big gay ménage à trois between Lance Armstrong, Matthew McConaughey, and Jake Gyllenhaal because the three of them shockingly, publicly bicycled together and were also seen together at a LIVESTRONG event.

Of course, Armstrong and McConaughey denied that they were homosexual lovers. Armstrong said they were just "buds" who took "guy trips" and it was all "something very normal"--but how can we believe that they were "just friends" given Armstrong's incredible history of lying? In short, is Lance Armstrong about to pull a Jodie Foster?



Lance, just know, IT GETS BETTER! The LGBT community will take you in even though you are a lying piece of shit. We have accepted the scumbag Ken Mehlman, and his lies were a crime against LGBT equality not some sport that no one really cares about. More importantly, none of us would judge you for wanting to tap this: