Bieber Fever?

When Tom & Lorenzo posted this picture of Justin Bieber on their Facebook page tonight, Lorenzo wrote, "I get it, but WTH?"

The comments could be summed up by saying; We don't get it. I have to agree that I cannot understand how anyone could think this was an acceptable thing to wear in public, but I chalked it up to the fact that I'm becoming an old geezer. Then, I saw this:

This Biebs outfit caused writer producer Damon Lindelof (of Lost fame) to go off on a Twitter rant. The rest of the Internet reaction could be summed up in one word: Douche. To me, the outfit seemed less douchey than an indication of a bizarre lack of awareness of, well... any form of reality.

Next, I discovered this is how J.B. went shopping in London:

  

This got people saying the Biebernator was an attention whore.

No one seems to be asking the obvious question: Is Justin Bieber going crazy? I'm seriously talking about actual, DSM IV listed mental illness here. His public appearance and behavior seems like the early stages of celebrity insanity that, if not checked in time, could reach Micheal Jackson levels. If anyone who knows Justin reads this, I urge you for his sanity and for the sake of his fans, please hold an intervention now.

UPDATE: Dlisted has more pics of a clearly fucked up Bieber on his 19th birthday with his body guard trying to shield him from the Paparazzi.  

 

Here's an idea for avoiding bad publicity: don't get drunk and/or high as a kite and then run around half-naked in public. More evidence of the cray-cray. Pulling a Wacko Jacko may be the best case scenario. Beiber may be headed towards a full-on Lohan. Someone please stop Justin before he ends up on Celebrity Rehab.

25 Things About Me

Remember the "25 Things About Me" thing that went around Facebook in 2009? ("Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are suppose to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it is because I want to know more about you.") Here are my 25 things:
 

A favorite Facebook pictures of myself from 2009.

1. I had almost finished this list when I clicked in the wrong place and lost everything. I swore, looked for a "save" option (there is none), and started over. That's how I roll.
 
2. I will not "tag" 25 people in this note. I'm a rule breaker, a renegade. (Actually, it's because tagging people seems too pushy, and I fear being seen as pushy.)

3. My parents do not like the name Chris.

4. I have read all of Shakespeare's plays.

5. It's driving me a little crazy that I do not have more options for formatting this list.

6. I was smart about baseball before I was smart about politics. In the fall of 1976, as I was turning 9, I rooted for the Yankees in the World Series and Ford in the Presidential election.

7. I am oddly fond of my tiny feet.

8. "Death Comes For The Archbishop" by Willa Cather is my favorite novel. At least it is at this moment. I reserve the right to change my mind. (Also, I wish I could put the title in italics rather than quotation marks. See #5.)

9. Of all the jobs I have had, the one I was best at, hands down, was camp counselor.

10. I will only get out of bed if the time ends in a 0 or a 5. Seriously.

11. Television is my second favorite thing in the world--which actually why I do not own a TV.

12. I refuse to give up my most favorite thing in the world.

13. Because I was a drama major, many people think I am/was an aspiring actor. I never was. I am a terrible actor. Really, God awful.

14. I was a Junior Master in the American Contract Bridge League, but my membership lapsed long ago.

15. Even though I think youngest children (like myself) have it best, I have always wanted a baby brother or sister.

16. At first I thought I was self-censoring this list because my nieces and nephews are among my Facebook friends. That's not really the reason. There are many things that, while I don't mind my friends knowing them, I don't want them posted on the Internet.

17. Most dogs like me. Cats, it seems, can take me or leave me.

18. I am very conflict-adverse. Almost pathologically so.

19. If I could pick any talent to have, it would be the ability to sing beautifully.

20. I hate putting things away. This probably says something about my personality that I don't want to know.

21. Whoever invented the BLT deserves a monument in my opinion.

22. I'm terrible at keeping in touch with friends and family, and I hate that about myself.

23. I love books--not just reading them but also owning them or even just holding them.

24. I have kept every letter I have gotten since leaving home for college 23 years ago. I miss real, old-fashioned letters delivered by the US Postal Service.

25. I rarely lie, but I often bend, fold, spindle or mutilate the truth.

Hooray for Women's Lib!

Is it wrong that watching the wonderful PBS documentary about feminism MAKERS: Women Who Make America made me think of Wonder Woman?

Is it wrong that Wonder Woman made me think of Lyle Wagonner's spread in Playgirl?

Well, if loving Wonder Woman and Lyle Wagonner is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

XIII

This is one of my father's favorite poems. He will gladly recite it for you if you ask.

   
When I Was One And Twenty
by A.E. Housman from Shropshire Lad

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
'Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free.'
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard him say again,
'The heart out of the bosom
Was never given in vain;
'Tis paid with sighs a plenty
And sold for endless rue.'
And I am two-and-twenty,
And oh, 'tis true, 'tis true.

Oscars: Not Gay Enough

Host Seth MacFarlane was concerned this year's Oscars weren't gay enough. Here's five ways they could have gayed it up more.

1. The performance by Seth MacFarlane, Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a good start to the show, but it a song and dance number isn't the kind of threesome the gays want from them.

 2 .Having Dame Shirley Bassey sing is pretty gay, but it would have been gayer if she sang this:

3. The gays love Channing Tatum, so having him dance on the Oscars was good; however him stripping would have been much better:

4. If you're going to put Captain Kirk in a time machine to right an Academy Awards wrong, send him to 2006 to take the Oscar away from the loathsome Crash and give it to the actual best picture of that year, Brokeback Mountain.

5. If you're going to have Kristin Chenoweth sing to losers, any gay would know to have her sing this song:

Next year, the Oscars producers should call me before the show, and I'll help them reach that gay audience that has been so elusive to them.

PS: In the future, some gays, I nominate Tom & Lorenzo, should be posted so they can run up and slap any winners who walk on stage looking like this:

Quentin Tarantino, I don't care how cool you think you are--you should have your Oscar taken away from your for crimes against fashion.

1983 : 1948 :: 2013 : 1978

For no good reason, it occurred to me tonight that the Disco era is as far away to today's high school students as the Big Band era was to my generation when we were in high school.

# 1 single of 1948: "Twelth Street Rag" by Pee Wee Hunt

#1 single of 1978: "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees

That makes me feel really old.

Mankato Girls

“Betsy was so full of joy that she had to be alone. She went upstairs to her bedroom and sat down on Uncle Keith's trunk. Behind Tacy's house the sun had set. A wind had sprung up and the trees, their color dimmed, moved under a brooding sky. All the stories she had told Tacy and Tib seemed to be dancing in those trees, along with all the stories she planned to write some day and all the stories she would read at the library. Good stories. Great stories." --Maud Hart Lovelace, Betsy and Tacy Go Downtown

"I'd like to sing a song of great social and political import."

The first great album in my life was Pearl by Janis Joplin & The Full Tilt Boogie Band. It was one of my earliest exposures to amazing rock music, and the record was played very often in our house while I was growing up. I still love it a lot and listen to it often. Janis Joplin had a magical talent: she could express devastating heartbreak and profound strength at the same time. The older I get, the more I appreciate her.

 

What He Said

Just a little follow up to an earlier blog post....

Long story short. Singer/diva Azealia Banks called blogger/diva Perez Hilton a "faggot" on Twitter causing the internet to explode. Things settle down and no one is paying enough attention to the two fame whores, so Banks reignites the feud with another f-bomb. She also calls reasonable criticism of her use of the slur "fucking bullshit". I'm pretty much over her right now. Thankfully, the smart and adorable Ryan James Yezak has made a video explaining why her using "faggot" is totally not cool:

Word.

Life Of Reilly

In the 70s, there was Charles Nelson Reilly on morning television:

There was Charles Nelson Reilly in the afternoon:

There was Charles Nelson Reilly at night:

If all that weren't enough, there was Charles Nelson Reilly during the commercial breaks:

It's no surprise that I turned out gay after watching Charles on television all day. It's a wonder that anyone emerged from the 70s as straight.

Blogroll

Hey, still in the launch phase of this blog. Here are some sites I visit every day and am going to put on my "blogroll". Any suggestions for others to add?

Joe.My.God

Towleroad

The Dish

Gawker

Slog

Tom & Lorenzo

Crooks and Liars

Bilerico Project

Slate

Flavorwire

Pam's House Blend

AMERICAblog

Almond Cookies

One of the best recipes I have straight from GG's* kitchen:

Here's the (slightly different) version I worked out before these recipe cards were found:

1 cup butter

1/2 cup powdered sugar

2 cups flour

1/4 lb ground almonds (I buy whole unsalted almonds and grind them in the blender to the consistency of coarse sand)

pinch salt
capful of vanilla

Just mix everything together (a pastry cutter or potato masher works well). Form the dough into "logs" (about the same size and shape as a store-bought tube of cookie dough), wrap tightly, and chill overnight.  Slice (1/4"?) and bake at 350 for 10ish minutes - roll in powered sugar when they've cooled a bit but are still slightly warm.
 
*Grandma Gert's

Raise Your Hand

Tonight, I need Janis Joplin to sing me to sleep. Tom Jones is just icing on the cake.

Ignore the Eastern European men at the end of the video.

Land Of Lincoln & Speed

The home state of the Great Emancipator (and possible "friend of Whitman") took a big step for freedom yesterday. The Illinois State Senate approved Marriage Equality legislation with a 34 to 21 vote. Several lawmakers delivered moving words in support of the right to marry on, appropriately, Valentine's Day.

Big thanks to State Senator Daniel Biss for honoring Illinois progressive tradition with shout outs to Jane Addams, Richard Wright, Studs Terkel and Aaron Swartz. I'd like to add one more Illinian? Illinoisan? (there really is no good demonym, is there?) to the list: the great liberal champion Adlai Stevenson.



As the fight for Marriage Equality moves forward remember, in the words of Adlai Stevenson: What counts now is not just what we are against, but what we are for. Who leads us is less important than what leads us — what convictions, what courage, what faith — win or lose.

Danced To Her Gypsy Music

Here's a little antidote to the Valentine's Day romance fest. Cher's "Dark Lady" is really the 70's version of "Frankie & Johnnny". I would like to point out that this "music video" appeared on The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour--which means it was on during primetime on CBS. It's hard to believe now what 1970's television was like. I'm not saying this isn't entertaining (because, well, obviously I find it fabulous). It's just amazing to me that this was one of three choices Americans had for televison viewing whe it aired. Anyway... Enjoy!

Love Speaks

Edie Windsor & Thea Spyer

Having a Coke with You
by Frank O'Hara

Having a Coke with You

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

Watch Frank O'Hara read "Having a Coke with You"

Litany

by Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
The crystal goblet and the wine...
-Jacques Crickillon

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.

 Watch a 3-year-old recite "Litany"

PontifEX

Benedict XVI is clicking his Ruby Prada Slippers and leaving Oz.

I'm bummed that I was at work when I heard the news, and I couldn't get in on the ground floor of the the "Pope Pulls a Palin" line. In fact, I first learned the new via my friend's Tweet:

I hate missing the chance to make a crack about The Quitter, but by the joke had already exploded especially on Twitter, and I had nothing new to add.

Speaking of quitters, Benedict's abdication has brought the spotlight to Pope Celestine V for the first time in 719 years. Here's his story as told in wonderful book Saints Preserve Us!: Everything You Need To Know About Every Saint You'll Ever Need by Sean Kelly and Rosemary Rogers.

 

Pope Celestine V is one of my favorite pontiffs because his story is pretty cray-cray. (Harris and Rogers don't even go into the rumors that he was murdered by his successor). I have mixed feelings about all the attention he's getting now. It's sort of like when your favorite indie band makes it big--you're happy for their success, but you miss being one of the cool kids in the know. It turns out, Pope Benedict XVI has also been a big fan of Celestine V. Four years ago, Benedict visited Celestine's tomb and "after a brief prayer, he left his pallium, the symbol of his own episcopal authority as Bishop of Rome, on top of Celestine's tomb!" About a year later, Benedict visited the relics of Celestine and praised his "great courage". Coincidence? Maybe, or maybe we should have seen the scribens in pariete.

Celestine V as Snow White with his Prince Charming, Benedict XVI

Finally, as Pope Benedict XVI exits, I'm afraid we must sadly bid adieu to Archbishop Georg Gänswein, the Heartthrob of the Vatican and Vanity Fair cover boy.

I'm pretty sure Gorgeous Georg is the only Papal private secretary who will ever get pictures of him posted on the blog BADBOYS DELUXE: Ninja Alpha Males. Seriously, go check it out. Don't worry, it's not only "safe for work," it's safe for church.

Say what you will about Pope Benedict XVI, he did have very good taste in shoes and personal assistants. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I Call Bullshit On Downton Abbey

Okay, I guess I'm supposed to warn you that this post contains a spoiler, so stop reading if you haven't already seen episode 6 of season 3 of Downton Abbey.

There's been plenty of discussion on the Interwebs about the historical (in)accuracy of

the future of fun.

Congratulations to the 2013 Best New Artist Grammy winners: fun.! Let's take a look at your future, by looking at past winners....

5 years from now, you'll be dead: Amy Winehouse, Best New Artist 2008.

If you survive that (which you probably will since you don't seem to have a lot in common with Amy Winehouse), 15 years from now, you'll tour with Lilith Fair to show sisterhood is powerful: Paula Cole, Best New Artist 1998.

30 years from now, you'll prove Brooklyn (where the beer does flow and the men chunder) is the new Australia: Men At Work, Best New Artist 1983.

35 years from now, you'll force Steve Martin to give you what rightfully belonged to Shaun Cassidy: Debby Boone, Best New Artist 1978.

50 years from now, you'll be ready to perform with a great singer of a Bond theme--just pray that Adele has a variety show: Robert Goulet, Best New Artist 1963 (here with the incomparable Shirley Bassey on her 1980 television special, A Special Lady).

PS to fun.: Some Wikipedia editor is throwing major shade your way. Your entry begins: "Fun (stylized as fun.)" which is an amazingly dismissive use of a parenthetical.

Absolutely My Last Post On The Big Gay Super Bowl

I feel like this is my XLVIIth post on the Super Bowl, but I swear it my last. There were just a few last things kicking around the internet that were too good not to share.

San Francisco writer, Armistead Maupin lost a Super Bowl bet with Baltimore writer, Laura Lippman, and had to write an ode to Ravenstown. Not surprisingly, the result is pretty darn gay:

The Virtues of Baltimore (After Pondering Weak and Weary)
By Armistead Maupin
Who makes Baltimore so fine?
The Duchess of Windsor or Divine?
Poe and his Raven or Mama Cass?
The great John Waters or Ira Glass?
Thurgood Marshall or Adrienne Rich
Barry Levinson or – sonofabitch—
That linebacker who took a stand
For marriage equality in Maryland?
I lift my glass with a way-to-go
To Brendon Ayanbadejo

I'd like to think the stock market momentum was due to the Ravens' win.

Speaking of Ayanbadejo, Chuck Culpepper wrote a very nice piece about meeting him before the big game and getting a chance to say "thank you":

There stood Brendon Ayanbadejo, age 36, born in Chicago to an American mother and Nigerian father, educated at UCLA, three Pro Bowls as a noble special-teams sort, a man whom I had never met but for whom I held a vast gratitude. In a giddy locker room in which the great Ed Reed waltzed around singing Eddie Money's "Two Tickets To Paradise," I momentarily had misplaced Ayanbadejo's face. In fact, in the urgency of the game, I had not thought of him all weekend. Yet here was a man I had never expected to exist in all my life, a heterosexual football powerhouse who had spoken up voluntarily and beautifully and repeatedly for g-g-g-gay people. 

In my imagination this is how Brendon Ayanbadejo looks walking into the locker room (minus the VPL).

Go, read the whole thing: "The Gay Super Bowl" on Sports on Earth.

Miz Sarah B tipped me off to this great video that pretty much sums up many San Franciscans feelings. Guy Branum reads Chris Culliver's beads on Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell:

Finally, via Aaron Heier... The Best "Who Wore It Better?" EVER!

Dr. Frank-N-Furter vs. Beyoncé

Second Hand News: Rumours Covers

 
Fleetwood Mac's seminal album Rumours has been re-issued by Rhino & Warner Brothers in an expanded edition three CD box set. This 35th anniversary edition is getting high praise. I've done my own re-issue of Rumours--well not so much a re-issue as a re-creation of the album as a Spotify playlist with a cover version of each of Rumours' songs. I call it Second Hand News: Rumours Covers. You can listen to the whole thing here:

 

Let's break it down song by song....

I had never heard of The Greencards before making this playlist, but I sort of fell in love with this version of "Second Hand News". It makes total sense that an alt bluegrass group would amp up the Celtic qualities of Lindsay Buckingham's composition.



There were a lot of good covers of "Dreams" from which to choose, but I picked Whiskeytown's in part to show how influential Rumours has been on important musicians who came after. It's a great version that is true to both Fleetwood Mac and Whiskeytown.



Again, artists I previously unknown to me delivered what I thought was the best version. Colin Reid and Eddi Reader (misidentified as "Eddie" by Spotify) deliver a beautiful, straight-forward acoustic "Never Going Back Again".



Obviously, I could have chosen the Vitamin String Quartet for any song since they produced an entire recreation of Rumours of their own. I liked "Don't Stop" best because it showcases the wildly under-appreciated musical contribution Christine McVie brought to Fleetwood Mac.



Probably the most famous cover on my playlist, The Cranberries' "Go Your Own Way" has the driving drums and rocking guitars of the original with a twist of a more ethereal vocal track. Lovely.



Willie Nelson is a great song writer--he proved that early on with "Crazy". He is also a great interpreter of other people's songs (see: Stardust). What I love about this version of "Songbird" is how perfect the lyrics written by a young woman (McVie) are for an older man. The age in Nelson's voice really brings out the bittersweet quality of the song.



Now, for something completely different. This Three Days Grace version of "The Chain" reminds us that Fleetwood Mac was, after all, a rock band.



I was surprised by how few choices I had for "You Make Loving Fun", but I only needed one good one. Fortunately, Danni Carlos delivers. Also, I love the title of her album, Rock'N'Road Acústico.



Am I wrong, or do the Goo Goo Dolls rock harder on this version of "I Don't Want To Know" than on any of their own songs?



"Oh Daddy" was by far the least covered song on Rumours. So I'm really glad I found this version by Beanie Sigel for a couple of reasons. First, it adds a little much-needed diversity to the (otherwise completely white) playlist. More importantly, it shows the far reaching influence of Rumours.



Finally, I went full-on country with "Gold Dust Woman" by Waylon Jennings. No explanation necessary really. It just makes perfect sense.

Two Things About Me

While I could come up with a reasonable short list, I could never name a single favorite book or movie. My list of favorite songs would be longer but manageable. Still, it would be an unranked list with no number one. However, for whatever reason, I can easily name my favorite painting and poem. They are:

Sailors and Floosies, Paul Cadmus, 1938

Poem (Lana Turner Has Collapsed), Frank O'Hara, 1964

Lana Turner has collapsed!
I was trotting along and suddenly
it started raining and snowing
and you said it was hailing
but hailing hits you on the head
hard so it was really snowing and
raining and I was in such a hurry
to meet you but the traffic
was acting exactly like the sky
and suddenly I see a headline
LANA TURNER HAS COLLAPSED!
there is no snow in Hollywood
there is no rain in California
I have been to lots of parties
and acted perfectly disgraceful
but I never actually collapsed
oh Lana Turner we love you get up

Sie sagt: “Baby, you know, I miss my funky friends"

Today is the 15th anniversary of Falco's death.

Johann Hölzel, known as "Hans" to his friends and family and as "Falco" to his adoring fans was the greatest Austrian singer/rapper of the 80's. I would contend that Falco is still the most well-known Austrian musician ever in the United States. If your money is on Mozart, I would bet that more Americans could correctly name the title and artist for Der Kommissar and Rock Me Amadeus than could for Rondo Alla Turca or Eine kleine Nachtmusik--and when I say more, I mean more by a factor of, like, 100.

While Der Kommissar and Rock Me Amadeus were Falco's biggest hits; his masterpiece is clearly Jeanny. No mere pop song, Jeanny is a mini-opera, and the video is a cinematic treasure.

As many artists do, Falco tried to recapture the magic of Jeanny with Coming Home (Jeanny Part II). While the song is amazing--although I may be biased because I have a weakness for songs with parentheses in their titles--like many sequels, it fails to live up to the original.

Falco died in a car crash on Ferbruary 6, 1998--just two weeks before his 41st birthday. While Coming Home (Jeanny Part II) is not his greatest song, some of the lyrics seem prophetic on this sad anniversary.

Denkst Du noch an mich?
Liebst Du mich noch?
Wo bist Du?
Kommst Du wieder?

I know I speak for all of us when I say:  

Ja, wir erinnern uns Falco.
Ja, wir lieben dich sehr.
Wir sind immer noch hier.
Wir dich nie verlassen.

Superstar

Karen Carpenter died thirty years ago today.  No matter what the haters say, she had one of the greatest voices ever in pop music. While I'll admit that the overproduction on The Carpenters albums did her no favors, her vocals are achingly beautiful.



If you've never seen Todd Hayne's Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story watch it now. It is really very touching, but it's also totally illegal, so the video may not be online long.

PS To The Big Gay Super Bowl Postscript: The Commercials

Oh yeah, I almost forgot that we're all supposed to care about the commercials that aired during the Super Bowl. So, as the last installment in my trilogy on this year's super gay Super Bowl, I'll look at two ads: one that was supposed to make me swoon but didn't, and one that was surprisingly swoon-worthy.

Four Super Bowl commercials that I'm not going to write about.

There was one commercial the gays should have loved, and to be fair some did, but I agree with Dan Savage in finding it sort of... meh. Putting a ripped guy in briefs should be a no-brainer particularly given the rich history of Calvin Klein underwear models. Here are couple of semi-NSFW links showing some of CK's better efforts in underwear ads, a look at five favorite models and the "naughty" video for the "X Marks The Spot" campaign--although, truth be told, neither link is less SFW than the nationally televised Super Bowl commercial. Somehow, the Calvin Klein Concept commercial was the opposite of sexy.

This biggest problem with this commercial is that despite being basically a remake of last year's H&M commercial featuring David Beckham, it pales in comparison. If you're going to be completely derivative, figure out how to keep the sexy in.

The real dreamboat of the Super Bowl commercials was the co-star in this year's Budweiser Clydesdales spot "Brotherhood". Of course, the horse is beautiful, but I'm crushing the trainer. As Seán Collins wrote: "Here’s to stories about cute guys with dimples who love their horsies... and aren't afraid to show it."

"Brotherhood" was also the tearjerker of the night. While the story and how it was filmed/edited are very sweet, using the song "Landslide" is sort of cheating. Just hearing the words "I took my love and I took it down" is likely to make me weep openly. The only way "Brotherhood" could have hit me harder from the start is if a voice-over had said, "This is for you, Daddy" at the beginning of the commercial.