Dave Younge Playlist

Clara and I got to pay tribute to a great music lover last night. Here's the appropriately eclectic Dave Younge Playlist. Dave always celebrated diversity and it shows in his musical tastes. We tried to honor that spirit and connect with all sorts of people with these songs. Enjoy. 

PS: Thanks to Trivia Mafia  and the 331 Club for the DJ gig.

Grateful Dead – Scarlet Begonias
Steely Dan – Rikki Don't Lose That Number
Fela Kuti – Viva Nigeria
John Coltrane Quartet – It's Easy To Remember
Def Leppard – Pour Some Sugar On Me
XTC – Hold Me My Daddy
Los Angeles Burning – Sinatra
Malkit Singh – Jind Mahi
The Neville Brothers – Fire On The Bayou
The Clash – Rock the Casbah
Celia Cruz – La Negra Tiene Tumbao
Tukka Yoot – Tukka Yoot's Riddim
Grateful Dead – Ripple
Heart – Magic Man
Bonnie Raitt – Love Sneakin' Up On You
Crash Test Dummies – The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead
Pink Floyd – Another Brick In The Wall, Pt. 2
Erin McKeown – Slung Lo
Miles Davis – Milestones
Sting – Fields Of Gold
Timbuk 3 – Facts About Cats
Laurie Berkner – The Cat Came Back
Talking Heads – Once In A Lifetime
Stevie Wonder – Don't You Worry 'Bout A Thing
The English Beat – Save It For Later
Elvis Costello & The Attractions – Pump It Up
Sun Ra – Distant Stars
Fleetwood Mac – You Make Loving Fun
Blondie – One Way Or Another
Vince Guaraldi Trio – Thanksgiving Theme
Dar Williams – Christians and Pagans
Herbie Hancock – Mega Mix (Rockit, Autodrive, Future Shock, TFS, Rough, & Chameleon)
Bob Marley & The Wailers – Satisfy My Soul - Beats Antique Remix

Liberty & Independence

Delaware is set to become the 11th Marriage Equality state after its senate approved same-sex marriage today. I'm really happy for them, but I'm kind of surprised it took this long given they have had a gay Colonial wedding on their flag for 100 years.

I think the guy in the fabulous green and pink jacket (which I would totally wear) is pissed that his farmer husband-to-be dressed so casually for their big day.

That's about all I have to say about Delaware except it inspired this great song by Loudon Wainwright III (father of notable homosexual Rufus Wainwright):

Come on Minnesota, let's make it a dozen.

Birmingham: May 3, 1963

Photo by Charles Moore

 Fifty years ago this happened:

"So the question is not whether we will be extremist but what kind of extremist will we be. Will we be extremists for hate or will we be extremists for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice — or will we be extremists for the cause of justice?"  

—Martin Luther King, Jr., "Letter from a Birmingham Jail"

Happy May Day

Happy 80th Birthday, Willie Nelson!

If Willie Nelson's career had ended 40 years ago, he still would have been one of the most important songwriters in country music ever.

The first concert I ever went to was Willie Nelson in the UNI Dome. I'm not sure of the exact year, but it was sometime during the "On The Road Again" period. My parents became big Willie fans around that time--and that song remains one of their favorites. While I love his original songs, I have to admit that Stardust, his album of songs from the "great American songbook," is what made me a life-long fan. The whole thing is beautiful--sometimes achingly so.



Lastly, and most importantly, a big shout out to Willie for his advocacy on issues that are dear to both our hearts. From the founding of Farm Aid to support family farmers to his outspoken views on drug policy reform (best line: Marijuana "won't kill you unless you let a bale of it fall on you"), he has gone far beyond the typical light-weight celebrity dabbling in politics to become a real leader in social change.

One sign: two great causes

Recently, Willie has spoken out in favor of Marriage Equality:

I never thought of  marriage as something only for men and women. But I'd never marry a guy I didn't like. ...It's about human rights. As humanity, we've come through so many problems from the beginning to here.  I guess it finally had to come around to this. This is just another situation, another problem. We'll work it out and move on.

Something good must have been going on in 1933--the year produced two of my favorite progressive men, Willie Nelson and Paul Hogan, my Dad. This year, 80 is the new fabulous.

Thank You #98

By now, everyone has heard that, in moving personal essay in Sports Illustrated, Jason Collins became the first male active player in a major team sport in the United States to come out as gay. That may seem like a lot of qualifiers, but this is a big fucking deal. Like most people, I had never heard of Jason Collins before today. In fact, I'm not sure I'd heard of the Washington Wizards, the NBA he played for last year. Seriously, while I've never been a fan of professional basketball, I do think I have fairly good general sports knowledge, but I don't think I could have told you what the name of the DC NBA team was yesterday. So, obviously take all my thoughts on this with a huge grain of salt, but I do have a few things to say.

First, it may sound odd, but I was really glad when I found out Jason Collins is black--but I was having trouble articulating (even just to myself) why. Fortunately, Rob Smith explains "Why the race of NBA’s first openly gay player matters just as much as his sexual orientation":

...The color of the face attached to the cover story of Sports Illustrated — and the photos that will be shown on ESPN and CNN and every major media news outlet in the world — isn’t just important, it’s revolutionary. I would argue that Collins’ coming out will do more to advance the LGBT conversation within the black community than even President Obama’s embrace of gay marriage. ...Now, when an 18-year-old black boy is thinking about coming out and looking for someone in the popular culture who looks like him — he’s certainly going to find him. Jason Collins may not have been around when I was 18. But that doesn’t diminish the pride I feel as a 30-year-old man watching him come out now, and I can only imagine how many people who look just like us are feeling the same thing.

Sadly, I was disappointed in ESPN for how it handled the story. First, the story was one of the lead stories on every newscast today (and not just the sports news, but the national news), but ESPN buried it. Then, this happened:

To be fair, ESPN has been pretty good on LGBT issues before (and even showed a pro-bowler kissing his partner after a big win), but this was just stupid of them. Fortunately, Jason Collins is not just a practicing Christian, but apparently a very well-read and smart one. If and when he wants, I'm sure he'll be able to rip bigots like Chris Broussard to shreds if they try to use the bible to condemn homosexuality.

Happily, Chris Broussard was one of the few haters out there today. Twitter was a real love fest for Collins--with everyone from Kobe Bryant to Michelle Obama to Neil Patrick Harris tweeting their support. I'm just pissed that the Boston Red Sox tweeted this:

We salute you, @jasoncollins34 for your courage and leadership. Any time you want to throw out a first pitch at Fenway Park, let us know.
— Boston Red Sox (@RedSox) April 29, 2013

How am I supposed to hate the Red Sox (as I do) if they keep being so good on LGBT issues?

More important that what the Twitterverse or sportscasters or anyone else thinks or says, I have been incredibly impressed by Jason Collins. Really, go read his coming out essay and also the excellent behind-the-scenes story by Sports Illustrated writer Jon Wertheim. It's impossible not to come away from them without agreeing with former NBA player and current gay, John Amaechi:

Congratulations to Jason - society couldn't hope for a more eloquent & positive role model: buff.ly/10OvOMd
— John Amaechi OBE (@JohnAmaechi) April 29, 2013

What really sealed the deal for me was I read this passage in Collins essay:

My one small gesture of solidarity was to wear jersey number 98 with the Celtics and then the Wizards. The number has great significance to the gay community. One of the most notorious antigay hate crimes occurred in 1998. Matthew Shepard, a University of Wyoming student, was kidnapped, tortured and lashed to a prairie fence. He died five days after he was finally found. That same year the Trevor Project was founded. This amazing organization provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention to kids struggling with their sexual identity. Trust me, I know that struggle. I've struggled with some insane logic. When I put on my jersey I was making a statement to myself, my family and my friends.

Matthew Shepard's parents are touched by Collins tribute to their son:

"It made me cry," Judy Shepard told FOXSports.com during an interview Monday afternoon. "It was really quite a tribute, and I was very honored. And I know Matt would be thrilled." And the Shepards hope, someday, to be able to thank Collins personally for his bravery in opening himself up to the world and honoring their son’s name in the process. "I would really love to speak to him, because I know Judy and I would just like to thank him," Dennis Shepard said. "Because, No. 1, he had the courage to come out, period, and No. 2 that he wore 98 in honor of Matt, the year that he died. ...[Collins] couldn’t have been that old (when it happened), so it must have had a tremendous impact on him, the story behind Matt, for him to want to do that. And then to wear it all this time without telling people why until today, that’s incredible."

So, Congratulations and Thank You, Jason Collins! I'm still not going to watch professional basketball, but if there's any other way that I could support you, please let me know.

**********************************

I have few things to add to my original post--specifically, an apology, a response to a legit criticism of the news and a new video.

An apology

I can't believe I didn't mention or link to Outsports in my original post. Cyd Zeigler and Jim Buzinski have created a blog that is indeed "the galactic leader in gay sports" news. Of course, they have lots of posts about the Collins story, including Zeigler's nice personal reflections:

...Mostly, I thought about the kids. I was one of those once. I grew up in a basketball household on a healthy diet of Celtics-Lakers championship series. My dad was a local hero, able to hit his elbow on the rim at a time when dunking was against the rules. I was supposed to follow in his footsteps, but on the first day of basketball tryouts in junior high school, I had an all-consuming feeling that I just didn't belong. There's no doubt in my mind that being gay, just struggling with my sexuality and being teased for it by the other boys, kept me off the basketball court. Like many LGBT youth, I opted for individual sports -- track & field and cross-country -- instead.

Thanks to Collins, the young ones in Pee-Wee football today won't know a world without an openly gay male pro athlete. The teens in youth basketball, just starting to understand their own sexuality, will forever have someone to look up to, someone who looks like them. The young gay men playing college baseball today got a shot in the arm: They now know the sports world is ready for them.

 Really, go read the whole thing.

A response to a legit criticism of the news

The title of Kate Sheppard's Mother Jones piece sums it up: "Jason Collins Is Not The First Out Gay Pro Athlete". As I said at the beginning of this post, telling Jason Collins story requires a lot of qualifiers. I went with the unwieldy "Jason Collins became the first male active player in a major team sport in the United States to come out as gay."--yikes, that's too much for a headline. Sheppard rightly points out that many women have come out during their careers, and that their have also been openly gay male athletes outside of "the big four" of the NFL, NBA, NHL and MLB. In particular, Martina Navratilova seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle. Thankfully, she is not shy about reminding the media that she came out as a lesbian at the height of her tennis career in 1981.

Well done Jason Collins- you are a brave man. And a big man at that:) 1981 was the year for me- 2013 is the year for you:)
— Martina Navratilova (@Martina) April 29, 2013

I think the criticism of the media is completely fair. Fortunately, today they are beginning to fill in the gaps. I hope the Jason Collins story spurs a discussion of not just homophobia but also larger gender issues in professional sports including the sexism of sports journalism. I also think it's important to note that Jason Collins has been very gracious in acknowledging everyone who came before him and made his announcement possible, saying simply, "The words thank you are not enough." Which lead me to...

A video...
...in which Jason Collins honors his hero Navratilova. He also speaks well on LGBT issues including his connection to the number 98 amazingly well for someone who a) just came out and b) is at the center of a media frenzy right now.

Well done, sir. Now, I will try to watch at least one of your games next year. NBA execs take note, Collins is a free agent and whichever team signs him will quickly expand their fan base--seriously, as a pure business decision, it makes sense. The gays are very brand loyal to LGBT friendly businesses.

Replicas

One of the few celebrities I've ever been told I look like is Gary Numan. I don't really see it now... or then.

Although to be fair, for large stretches of his career, it's hard to know exactly what Gary Numan looked like.

I must say that I have I have always admired his commitment to whatever look he wears.

Plus, it may be breaking the 10th Commandment, but I covet this jacket:

Oh, by the way, I just thought of Gary Numan for the the first time is years tonight because I just saw his amazing collaboration with Nine Inch Nails in the remake of his biggest hit "Cars". Okay, it happened four years ago, but it's hard to keep up with the music the young kids are listening to these days.

PS to 2009 Trent Reznor: Call me, maybe?

Our Liberties We Prize & Our Rights We Will Maintain

Happy 4th Anniversary to Marriage Equality in Iowa!

Wild Roses, the Iowa state flower: and the perfect 4th anniversary gift.

On April 27th, 2009, my home state, Iowa, began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. The Human Rights Campaign and One Iowa released this video to celebrate:

The thought behind the message is lovely; however, I'm a little surprised to find out any Iowans were involved the production. The place described seems to be a DC lobbyist's idea of a generic, Midwestern farm state. "The cows still get milked"? Seriously? Still, bless their hearts, they meant well and that's what counts.

Congratulations to the 6,000 same-sex couples who have married in Iowa in the last four years. The next step is getting your families to be recognized in all fifty states, and that day is coming. You know, "the arc of the moral universe..." and all.

Happy DNA Day!

Photo 51: X-ray diffraction image of DNA taken by Rosalind Franklin

On April 25th, 1953, Nature published three seminal (ha!) essays on the structure of deoxyribonucleic acid. The now familiar double helix of DNA was introduced to the world by James Watson, Francis Crick, Maurice Wilkins and Rosalind Franklin. Few discoveries have had bigger practical implications. Of course, the woman has never gotten the same credit as the boys. Amazingly, just 50 years later (to the day), the Human Genome Project was declared effectively completed.

So celebrate and swap some DNA with a biochemist today!

Seriously?

If I have to blog about how sometimes it snows in April one more time, heads will roll. Heads. Will. Roll. I just couldn't post the Prince song again. Fortunately, these cute buskers provided their original song of the same name for me to share.

Unfortunately, the "Gaiety Theatre" in this video is not the sadly lost Times Square male burlesque venue (made famous in Madonna's book Sex). Sigh...

STOP CISPA

Take Action Here

And So We Keep On While We Live

Years ago, I openly wept at a listening station in the Boston HMV  as Holly Near sang Pete Seeger's "Quite Early Morning"--just because I'm sort of a hippie at heart and it's really beautiful. I listened to it today, and cried again for Boston, the city I called home for several years.



I hope your darkest days have now passed, and we can have singing tomorrows.

Everythig I Know About Lexington & Concord Sung In 3 Minutes

Whether or not the attacker(s) intended it, there is clearly symbolic significance to the Boston Marathon bombing happening on Patriots Day; however, I could not tell you what that significance might be. Despite having lived in Boston for several years, I never really got into the whole Patriots Day thing. Perhaps it's because I know so little about the Revolutionary War. In fact, pretty much everything I know about it I learned from Schoolhouse Rock.

As great as the math and grammar segments of Schoolhouse Rock were, the American history ones are rather lacking. This is really just a bunch of names and phrases associated with the start of the American Revolutionary War rather randomly thrown out there instead of any sort of lesson. To be fair, history is much more complex than multiplication tables or grammatical rules, but wouldn't telling some sort of story have worked better. So really, it's not my fault that I'm woefully ignorant about our countries fight for independence; television failed to educate me properly.

Patriots Day

I don't have much useful to say on a day like to today. As I told a dear friend in Boston: "Don't let the random hate of a few strangers outweigh the love of many friends. You are in our hearts." 

A message from the Occupy Wall Street Light Brigade

Not surprisingly, I'm also thinking about this:

Peace.

I Just Can't Smile Without You

 

I'm grateful that you were in my life, Jamie.



Thank you for all the good times.

In A World Made Of Steel, Made Of Stone

30 years ago, on April 15th 1983, the world was introduced to the greatest movie ever made about a welder/stripper, Flashdance. Jennifer Beals is an... um... interesting choice for the lead because you would think that in a movie about a dancer they might cast someone who could--oh, I don't know--dance. Really, the use of body doubles is ridiculously obvious.



Unfortunately, for Beals the scenes she's actually in are equally ridiculous. Her performance is a bit stilted, but to be fair, I blame the terrible dialogue rather than her acting skills. She did, however, get to display her excellent bra removing skills.



Then again, who am I to judge? The producers have 92,921,203 reasons to think they made a good movie. Plus, everyone--myself included--took scissors to their sweatshirts after seeing Flashdance so they too could have the hip, boho Pittsburgh steel mill style.

Sometimes It Snows In April

A reminder that His Royal Badness is from Minneapolis where (sadly) sometimes it really does snow in April.



It's no coincidence that the Vikings' color is purple.

Dance, Billy, Dance Like The Wind!

 Last night, as I went down the the Internet rabbit hole chasing music that Margaret Thatcher (to put it kindly) "inspired", I eventually rediscovered this amazing scene. While this number doesn't directly reference the Iron Lady, there's no doubt that "Town Called Malice" and Billy Elliot are both products of Thatcherite England. By the way, Billy Elliot had me at being pro-labor and gay-positive--the great 80's music was just icing on the cake. Since I can't embed the video, so go watch the whole thing at YouTube. Or, you can listen to the song here and look at pictures of the "Billy Elliot" a.k.a. Jamie Bell all grown up and looking mighty fine.

PS: If the fact that "Town Called Malice" was released 31 years ago doesn't make you feel really old, how about the news that Billy Elliot is going to be a father? Yikes.

Sing It High, Sing It Low

 

In a more just and loving world, Klaus Nomi would be alive to sing this today.

Ding! Dong!

Christopher J. Hogan Is In Big Trouble

Googling yourself is so 2004. All the cool kids today are doing Google Image searches on their names. What does it say that when I put "Christopher J. Hogan" in, three of the top hits were mugshots?

Christopher J. Hogan

Christopher J. Hogan

Christopher J. Hogan

One picture of me did turn up in the search, and it's very different from the others.

Christopher J. Hogan

Since my name didn't yield people who seemed a lot like me, I tried Google's great "search by image" feature. Here's the picture that is the most "visually similar" to mine:

Kate Monaghan

I guess that whole "what's in a name" thing is true. Clearly, I have much more in common with Kate than with the other Christopher J's. She looks like my type of gal, and if that's a mugshot, it's the best one I've ever seen.

dear:it's(kiss me now)spring!

I'm getting a little sick of having snow on the ground, so I'm posting a poem and an song to remind nature that it's April and spring should be here.

when faces called flowers float out of the ground

by e.e. cummings

when faces called flowers float out of the ground
and breathing is wishing and wishing is having-
but keeping is downward and doubting and never
-it's april(yes,april;my darling)it's spring!
yes the pretty birds frolic as spry as can fly
yes the little fish gambol as glad as can be
(yes the mountains are dancing together)

when every leaf opens without any sound
and wishing is having and having is giving-
but keeping is doting and nothing and nonsense
-alive;we're alive,dear:it's(kiss me now)spring!
now the pretty birds hover so she and so he
now the little fish quiver so you and so i
(now the mountains are dancing, the mountains)

when more than was lost has been found has been found
and having is giving and giving is living-
but keeping is darkness and winter and cringing
-it's spring(all our night becomes day)o,it's spring!
all the pretty birds dive to the heart of the sky
all the little fish climb through the mind of the sea
(all the mountains are dancing;are dancing)

April Come She Will
by Simon & Garfunkel

"He was on his way home from Candletop..."

 
Forty years ago today, "The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia" by Vicki Lawrence was the #1 single in the U.S.A.



I do love a country song with an insane story. A few other points...

1. In the 70's, Vicki Lawrence was a big star.

2. The big mystery of the song is what Andy's last name is. In the video above it's "Wollo" but looking at various lyrics websites it could be Woloe (close), Wo-Lo (a hyphenate seems highly unlikely in Georgia in early 70's--and one of two Asian names seems almost impossible), or "Warlord" (which would be a bit much).

3. Since the song is in colloquial dialogue it's perfectly acceptable that the lyric is: "That's the night that they hung an innocent man," instead of "That's the night that they hanged an innocent man," which would be more grammatically correct. Here's my rule of thumb to remember which to use: All inanimate objects are hung; when talking about people, unlucky men are hanged but lucky men are hung.

We'll See You At The Movies

It's wonderful that the man who wrote this:

“Kindness” covers all of my political beliefs. No need to spell them out. I believe that if, at the end, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn’t always know this and am happy I lived long enough to find it out.

 Also wrote this:


And this:

[Deuce Bigalow] makes a living prostituting himself. How much he charges I'm not sure, but the price is worth it if it keeps him off the streets and out of another movie. Deuce Bigalow is aggressively bad, as if it wants to cause suffering to the audience. The best thing about it is that it runs for only 75 minutes.... Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

Thank you, Roger Ebert. You will be missed.

"The condescension is bad, but the argument is even worse."

Matt Taibbi's blog post today, "Same-Sex Marriage Makes David Brooks Crazy" is really great:

This morning's David Brooks column on same-sex marriage was one of the weirdest, most mean-spirited things I've ever seen in The New York Times.

Entitled "Freedom Loses One," the article is a sarcastic broadside against . . . well, against something, though it's not clear exactly which of the many post-Sixties permissive-society hobgoblins Brooks hates is the real target here.

...Brooks is trying to make a "point" here – he takes something like 800 words to make it, but it boils down to a single snarky observation: "Isn't it ironic that these same people who've been fighting for the right to personal indulgence for all these decades since the Sixties are now fighting for the right to be legally restrained?"

Really, go read the whole thing.

Here's my point: I know I just barely missed being a "Baby Boomer" by a couple of years, but I really can't wait for that generation to retire so we can finally move past the cultural battles of the 60's. I'm especially sick of conservatives using "hippies" as a punching bag on which they work out their anxieties about the crazy ideas of freedom, equality and peace. As David Wilcox wrote:

Now I was just a young thing
When the sixties were in swing
They were singing of Aquarius
And all that it would bring
A lot of dreams got frozen
When the time turned bitter cold
They blossomed like a flower
But what a way to go. 

Frozen in the snow
Singing Spring is coming
Frozen in the snow

Robert Clemente (Topps 1972)

Today was the opening day of the 2013 baseball season and the beginning of National Poetry Month, so this seemed appropriate:

Robert Clemente (Topps 1972)

The first thing you notice is the ball

stopped in mid-air. Playfully tossed just

before the picture was taken. Right

hand already waiting for the ball

to come down. His tongue stuck out in mock

concentration. The red pickup truck

just beyond his right shoulder, the half-

empty stands, the fans standing along

the fence, even his shiny batting helmet

tell the story: another batting

practice before another game. Perhaps,

the World Series. The long black sleeves

would be right. The gesture too. A simple

act of easy grace declaring much:

certain knowledge of his own greatness.

Perhaps I read too much into this card.

But how can I not. The ball hanging

there when his plane could not.

 

—Mark Hinton

Team Koko Draft Picks

Baseball season has begun! That mean fantasy baseball is also underway. Of course during my league's draft, I lost many of my favorite players to the other owners who are all bastard people and I hate their ass faces. Still, I'm pretty happy with the lineup and am optimistic about the season. Introducing--in an exciting countdown from last draft pick to first--Team Koko 2013:

#23) Tommy Hanson, Starting Pitcher, Los Angeles Angels
Don't get too attached to Ginger Bear. I'll trade him in a New York minute if need be.

#22) Edwin Jackson, Starting Pitcher, Chicago Cubs
Hey Handsome! I'll be sorry to trade him, but trade him I may because as a pitcher (but only as an MLB pitcher) he's sort of average.

#21) Dexter Fowler, Outfield, Colorado Rockies
He has mad skills, but I still don't really believe his team exists--so it's sort of a draw. The name "Dexter" might tip the scales in favor of keeping him around.

#20) Ryan Vogelsong, Starting Pitcher, San Francisco Giants
I feel like Vogelsong gets overshadowed by Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum on the Giants pitching staff, but I'm really happy to have him on my team. He's solid.

#19) Jason Grilli, Relief Pitcher, Pittsburgh Pirates
First, completely unrelated to the draft of the season, I have to say I love this picture--it's old school like the Pirates. Not much to say about Grilli except that I hope he delivers a lot of saves for me.

#18) Jeremy Hellickson, Starting Pitcher, Tampa Bay Rays
Oops, there seems to be some mistake and I drafted a Little League player and one who plays for a Florida team.
NB: I hate all teams from Florida--not just the Rays and the Marlins but every team in every sport be they professional, college, high school or any other level. I may have to trade him the first week.

#17) Derek Jeter, Short Stop, New York Yankees
That's right. Derek F'ing Jeter is on Team Koko again this year. I really had to resist drafting Jeter in an earlier round. I know he's old and allegedly in decline, but he did me right last year. Plus, I love him in the gay way. It's a win-win all around.

#16) Wade Miley, Starting Pitcher, Arizona Diamondbacks
Um... okay... sure, why not?
Side question: When did MLB bullpens all start looking like one of any number of bars named "The Eagle"?

#15) Miguel Montero, Catcher, Arizona Diamondbacks
I had braced myself for the fact that I probably wasn't going to get Buster Posey for Team Koko's catcher again this year, but I was really upset when my Plan B catcher, Joe Mauer, went early in the draft. I feel bad for Miguel Montero since I picked him out of desperation. I hope it works out between us.
Another side question: Am I the only person who thinks baseball catchers gear is sexy?

#14) Addison Reed, Relief Pitcher, Chicago White SoxHe seems very flexible.

#13) Jonathan Niese, Starting Pitcher, New York Mets
We had sort of an on-again/off-again relationship last year. I'm expecting it to be more of the same this year.

#12) Ike Davis, First Base, New York Mets
The picture says it all, really.

#11) Brandon Morrow, Starting Pitcher, Toronto Blue Jays
Considering I picked him fairly early, you'd think I'd have stronger feelings about him. I think he's, I don't know, fine? I was really stressed out at this point during the draft, so I probably just took him because ESPN had him ranked as the best available player. Panic is a really great way to run a team.

#10) Pablo Sandoval, Third Base, San Francisco Giants
That's right, he loves baseball so much--he put a ring on it! Meet the 2012 World Series MVP and my third baseman, Pablo Sandoval.

#9) Mariano Rivera, Relief Pitcher, New York Yankees
Best. Closer. Ever. Added bonus for being the last active player to wear the greatest number in baseball.

#8) Jonathan Papelbon, Relief Pitcher, Philadelphia Phillies
I have a suspicion that Papelbon is an enormous douchebag, but sometimes in sports (as in life) we must work with terrible people with a lot of talent in order to succeed. I'm not here to make imaginary friends--I'm here to dominate a make-believe sport.

#7) Jason Kipnis, Second Base, Cleveland Indians
I'll be okay with Kipnis as long as he wears this cap and not the one with the other hateful logo.

#6) Matt Holliday, Outfield, St. Louis Cardinals
Seriously, the MLB is one beer blast away from turning into a bear bar.

#5) Jacoby Ellsbury, Outfield, Boston Red Sox
The draft clearly wasn't going well for me if I sank so low as to take someone from the hateful Red Sox. Still, I like the Fosse moves and jazz hands while running the bases.

#4) Jose Reyes, Shortstop, Toronto Blue Jays
I wish Reyes was still a Met. Oh well... Happy to have him anyway.

#3) Bryce Harper, Outfield, Washington Nationals
I love how my Bryce Harper loves playing baseball. He is really fun to watch. Plus, he seems like what my father would call "a good egg" and his Tweets (@bharper3407) are adorable.

#2) Justin Verlander, Starting Pitcher, Detroit Tigers
Just because it's an obvious pick doesn't mean there's no strategy behind it. I will use Verlander to get inside my opponents heads and make them fear me. Bonus: Verlander is down with the gays.

#1) Joey Votto, First Base, Cincinnati Reds
Sigh...

These 23 men are the foundation of my pretend sports empire this summer. Stay tuned for updates.