Absolutely My Last Post On The Big Gay Super Bowl

I feel like this is my XLVIIth post on the Super Bowl, but I swear it my last. There were just a few last things kicking around the internet that were too good not to share.

San Francisco writer, Armistead Maupin lost a Super Bowl bet with Baltimore writer, Laura Lippman, and had to write an ode to Ravenstown. Not surprisingly, the result is pretty darn gay:

The Virtues of Baltimore (After Pondering Weak and Weary)
By Armistead Maupin
Who makes Baltimore so fine?
The Duchess of Windsor or Divine?
Poe and his Raven or Mama Cass?
The great John Waters or Ira Glass?
Thurgood Marshall or Adrienne Rich
Barry Levinson or – sonofabitch—
That linebacker who took a stand
For marriage equality in Maryland?
I lift my glass with a way-to-go
To Brendon Ayanbadejo

I'd like to think the stock market momentum was due to the Ravens' win.

Speaking of Ayanbadejo, Chuck Culpepper wrote a very nice piece about meeting him before the big game and getting a chance to say "thank you":

There stood Brendon Ayanbadejo, age 36, born in Chicago to an American mother and Nigerian father, educated at UCLA, three Pro Bowls as a noble special-teams sort, a man whom I had never met but for whom I held a vast gratitude. In a giddy locker room in which the great Ed Reed waltzed around singing Eddie Money's "Two Tickets To Paradise," I momentarily had misplaced Ayanbadejo's face. In fact, in the urgency of the game, I had not thought of him all weekend. Yet here was a man I had never expected to exist in all my life, a heterosexual football powerhouse who had spoken up voluntarily and beautifully and repeatedly for g-g-g-gay people. 

In my imagination this is how Brendon Ayanbadejo looks walking into the locker room (minus the VPL).

Go, read the whole thing: "The Gay Super Bowl" on Sports on Earth.

Miz Sarah B tipped me off to this great video that pretty much sums up many San Franciscans feelings. Guy Branum reads Chris Culliver's beads on Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell:

Finally, via Aaron Heier... The Best "Who Wore It Better?" EVER!

Dr. Frank-N-Furter vs. Beyoncé

PS To The Big Gay Super Bowl Postscript: The Commercials

Oh yeah, I almost forgot that we're all supposed to care about the commercials that aired during the Super Bowl. So, as the last installment in my trilogy on this year's super gay Super Bowl, I'll look at two ads: one that was supposed to make me swoon but didn't, and one that was surprisingly swoon-worthy.

Four Super Bowl commercials that I'm not going to write about.

There was one commercial the gays should have loved, and to be fair some did, but I agree with Dan Savage in finding it sort of... meh. Putting a ripped guy in briefs should be a no-brainer particularly given the rich history of Calvin Klein underwear models. Here are couple of semi-NSFW links showing some of CK's better efforts in underwear ads, a look at five favorite models and the "naughty" video for the "X Marks The Spot" campaign--although, truth be told, neither link is less SFW than the nationally televised Super Bowl commercial. Somehow, the Calvin Klein Concept commercial was the opposite of sexy.

This biggest problem with this commercial is that despite being basically a remake of last year's H&M commercial featuring David Beckham, it pales in comparison. If you're going to be completely derivative, figure out how to keep the sexy in.

The real dreamboat of the Super Bowl commercials was the co-star in this year's Budweiser Clydesdales spot "Brotherhood". Of course, the horse is beautiful, but I'm crushing the trainer. As Seán Collins wrote: "Here’s to stories about cute guys with dimples who love their horsies... and aren't afraid to show it."

"Brotherhood" was also the tearjerker of the night. While the story and how it was filmed/edited are very sweet, using the song "Landslide" is sort of cheating. Just hearing the words "I took my love and I took it down" is likely to make me weep openly. The only way "Brotherhood" could have hit me harder from the start is if a voice-over had said, "This is for you, Daddy" at the beginning of the commercial.

Big Gay Super Bowl Postscript

This was supposed to be the Big Gay Super Bowl, and it didn't disappoint. Here are the top four highlights of the night.

1. Culliverfreude
First, this happened to #29 Chris Culliver:

Then, Chris Culliver had a very bad night on Twitter. The "Culliver #ItGetsBetter" thread was my favorite.

2. Beyoncé Is Fierce
Mrs. Carter's whole show was amazing right from the beginning.

There was a lot of talk about whether or not Mr.Beyoncé would be in the show, but there was a much better surprise: Destiny's Child.

PERFECTION!

This picture (via Lady Bunny) explains exactly how the gays felt about the halftime show:

3. This Happened
A million THANKS to Deadspin for sharing this truly mesmorizing moment.

4. Athlete Ally Brandon Ayanbadejo Gets To Put A Ring On It

On Facebook, Ayanbadejo posted this great pic himself kissing the Vince Lombardi trophy with the message: "WORLD CHAMPIONS I love my team, I love city, and I love MD for all that you do to show the world love conquers all!!"

All in all, it was a very good Super Bowl for the gays.

The Big Gay Super Bowl

Brendon Ayanbadejo for the NOH8 Campaign

I've been totally scooped on the whole blogging about football with a gay twist schtick. Who knew this year's Super Bowl would be all homo-a-go-go? Here's a quick (and very incomplete) run down.

It all started with Brendon Ayanbadejo of the Baltimore Ravens who has been a big advocate of LGBT rights especially during the past election when Maryland had a Marriage Equality initiative on the ballot. Frank Bruni, the New York Times resident gay, wrote about Ayanbadejo "Carrying a Cause to the Super Bowl" (link behind NYT paywall). Then, everyone from the Huffington Post to Fox News was covering the story.

Then, the homophobia hit the fan. I'm going to steal the always sharp Miz Sarah B's Facebook far better recap than I could write. (To pretend that I'm actually blogging this part, I'll add links and pictures).

So let's recap this 49er crap:

1. Chris Culliver says, "We ain't got no gay people on the team… They gotta get up out here if they do. Can't be with that sweet stuff. ... Nah, can't be ... in the locker room, man."

Confidential to Chris Culliver: If you are worried about gays looking at you in the locker room, perhaps you should not post selfies like this on the Internet.

2. He is at least the mouth-piece for an apology I cannot even unravel: "The derogatory comments I made yesterday were a reflection of thoughts in my head, but they are not how I feel."

3. Ahmad Brooks and Isaac Sopoaga deny their involvement with "It Gets Better" (anti-bullying video campaign).

4. They are shown their own video. (Which was made super publicly a couple years ago ... after a move.org campaign to get them follow the lead of the Giants, and is still easily found on youtube, even after It Gets Better founder Dan Savage takes it down from the It Gets Better website.)

5. These players then claim ignorance of the ad's intentions and refuse to comment further, ultimately suggesting that they are NOT against bullying. Nicely played.  

Fuck you. YOU'RE COOL. Fuck you.

6. Donte Whitner, also in the ad, and openly down for everyone to get to be themselves, points out he does not share Chris Culliver's homophobic sentiments.   

7. All sorts of 49er fans choose to lay aside the chasm between what we say are our values and what is happening right in front of us just in time for Super Bowl Sunday: "San Francisco 49ers Chris Culliver will begin sensitivity training and education immediately after the Super Bowl following his anti-gay remarks this week, then start volunteer work with at-risk homosexual youth nationwide. Culliver is scheduled to begin working with "The Trevor Project," an organization that provides crisis and suicide intervention to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth, according to his public relations representative, Theodore Palmer."  

8. My muscles are taut from all the eye-rolling my face has been practicing this week.

Thanks for the round-up of the cray, Sarah! Now, I'm back.

This whole brouhaha exploded on the Interwebs--and not just on little blogs like mine but notably on big mainstream sites. In fact, Cyd Zeigler at Outsports wrote a post titled "Thank You Chris Culliver for speaking your homophobia out loud" saying the silver lining of all this was that Culliver has brought mainstream attention to homophobia in football (go read the whole thing). Here are some highlights:

• ESPN: Chris Culliver backpedals: Comments, apology, lack of understanding, even as others fight discrimination
• The Nation: Is It Getting Better? Homophobia Rocks The Super Bowl
• Salon: How did the Super Bowl land on the front lines of the culture war?
• The Pioneer Press: Vikings' Chris Kluwe wants Chris Culliver to get a gay rights education
• The Atlantic: How Chris Culliver's Anti-Gay Comments Actually Started a Dialogue in the NFL
• My San Antonio (Dallas Cowboys and the NFL blog): Lombardi would have frowned on Culliver’s homophobic remarks

Then to top it all off, Beyoncé is headlining the halftime. Gawker is saying will be even gayer than last year's show with Madonna. This leads to the biggest gay question about Super Bowl XLVII: Will Beyoncé go with straight hair...

...or wavy...

  

 ...or curly?

Of course, I'm hoping for the most unlikely option: the full-on Foxy Cleopatra.

To sum it up: GO RAVENS!

PS: In the end, it doesn't really matter what any of think about the teams in the Super Bowl, who we want to win, or who we predict will win. 27% of Americans know the truth: God is going to pick the winning team based on their holiness.