The Confessions Of St. Jodie

  
The Interwebs continue to be abuzz with thoughts on Jodie Foster's Golden Globes speech. One big question is whether or not she actually "came out". I don't think this was a true confession because it was not made properly. True confessions, like those of St. Augustine, must written in Latin. So, using Google Translate, I translated (a slightly edited version of) Jodie's speech into Latin--for those who can read Latin, that text is at the bottom of this post. Since most of us cannot read Latin, I then put translated the Latin text back into English. What follows is the result. I've highlighted the most enlightening passages for all our spiritual benefit.

The Confessions of St. Jodie

Thank you. It is well for all of you SNL fans, I'm 50! , ... You know that this work without the worship, as long as, or later. I'm 50! You know, I was going to bring my walker this night, but it just does not go with CLEAVAGE. Robert, I want to thank them all. For your bat-crazed brain rapid fire, the sweet inside. Gaius, I love you and I am so grateful that I said that I have always been done is to make them idle to talk with the honor of .... Welcome to me last night. Home is a great part of the year promises a queen of the night in my opinion.

The confession of the whole, therefore, I am here, I guess I just is to say that the air is never a surprise attack they were able to service of the state. Thus, the declaration ... I'm a little nervous about that, but maybe not quite as nervous as my publicist right now, huh Jennifer? Just now, I am not a lamb of god not to extinguish it by law? The great and proud, right? In this way, I'm need your support on this, lamb of god. I am ... celibate. Yes, I am, I am unmarried men. No, I'm kidding. But I really am kidding, but I am such a kidding. Many thanks for the enthusiasm. Wolf whistle or can take it? I hope you guys expecting to find a great night out of speaking, because I came a thousand years old, stone back. Bid it fragile time when the girl opened the door of a friend and the faith of the family, co-workers, and by degrees all that had known it boldly, even when it belongs to them all. But now, apparently, I'm told that every celebrity is expected to honor the details of private life, with a press conference, the scent, and the first time a reality show. You guys might be surprised, but I'm not Mel ROAR ROAR of the Child. Let me not be ashamed of, and it's just not to me has never been and never will be. But Do not cry, because it would not be the truth of a proposition, my loves. I would have to do with Marion Cotillard, I would like to spank Daniel Craig's farm, you know, just to stay on the air. But, nevertheless, will not be allowed an evil deed.

But seriously. From this it is if you were a toddler, you openly, if you'd felt to fight against the truths of life and was the only loves the honesty, the price to you, perhaps, most of all the lakes. Private. Sometimes they will be mindful of the future was a beautiful look. I have put everything there, from the time of three years. That's enough of a reality show, do not you think? There are a few secrets to keep your psyche intact for so long here. First: Love the people, and next to them in the morning .... My family and friends, here to night, and at home. And, indeed, Mel Gibson - you know, he was making.

The way I would be able to stand here without acknowledging the any one of the deepest loves of my life, heroic co-parent, my ex-partner in love, but in the life of a righteous soul sister. My confessor, ski Buddy, consigliere, most beloved bff of 20 years, Cydney Bernard. Thank you Cyd. I am proud of this amazing family, our children, Charlie and Kit, who are my reason to breathe, and to evolve, my blood and soul. The boys, if you do not know the song, just as all things, this is for you. ... You see, Charlie and Kit, sometimes your mom lose it too. To have the moony but that I can, you know. This has the beginning of the end of the time, and like each other. Exciting the SCARY, and now what? Well, I'm never going to be in this stage again. Some degree. Be changed, you've Gotti love it. Indeed, I always tell us how to move the men, led by fables: a work of a great man in the world. From the comment it is now, in another conversation used to hold the staff I can. And maybe it will not be just as sparkly. Maybe it will not open in the three thousand screens. Maybe it will be a quiet and delicate that only dogs can hear it hiss. But it will be the writing on the wall, where Jodie Foster, it is still to be seen, and I desire to be understood, and so it is not at all alone. View all camps. Our next year.

See? That makes much more sense. I totally agree with Mel Gibson and Opus Dei that Vatican II was a big mistake.

P.S. Here's text in Latin... well, Google Translate Latin: