Team Koko Draft Picks

Baseball season has begun! That mean fantasy baseball is also underway. Of course during my league's draft, I lost many of my favorite players to the other owners who are all bastard people and I hate their ass faces. Still, I'm pretty happy with the lineup and am optimistic about the season. Introducing--in an exciting countdown from last draft pick to first--Team Koko 2013:

#23) Tommy Hanson, Starting Pitcher, Los Angeles Angels
Don't get too attached to Ginger Bear. I'll trade him in a New York minute if need be.

#22) Edwin Jackson, Starting Pitcher, Chicago Cubs
Hey Handsome! I'll be sorry to trade him, but trade him I may because as a pitcher (but only as an MLB pitcher) he's sort of average.

#21) Dexter Fowler, Outfield, Colorado Rockies
He has mad skills, but I still don't really believe his team exists--so it's sort of a draw. The name "Dexter" might tip the scales in favor of keeping him around.

#20) Ryan Vogelsong, Starting Pitcher, San Francisco Giants
I feel like Vogelsong gets overshadowed by Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum on the Giants pitching staff, but I'm really happy to have him on my team. He's solid.

#19) Jason Grilli, Relief Pitcher, Pittsburgh Pirates
First, completely unrelated to the draft of the season, I have to say I love this picture--it's old school like the Pirates. Not much to say about Grilli except that I hope he delivers a lot of saves for me.

#18) Jeremy Hellickson, Starting Pitcher, Tampa Bay Rays
Oops, there seems to be some mistake and I drafted a Little League player and one who plays for a Florida team.
NB: I hate all teams from Florida--not just the Rays and the Marlins but every team in every sport be they professional, college, high school or any other level. I may have to trade him the first week.

#17) Derek Jeter, Short Stop, New York Yankees
That's right. Derek F'ing Jeter is on Team Koko again this year. I really had to resist drafting Jeter in an earlier round. I know he's old and allegedly in decline, but he did me right last year. Plus, I love him in the gay way. It's a win-win all around.

#16) Wade Miley, Starting Pitcher, Arizona Diamondbacks
Um... okay... sure, why not?
Side question: When did MLB bullpens all start looking like one of any number of bars named "The Eagle"?

#15) Miguel Montero, Catcher, Arizona Diamondbacks
I had braced myself for the fact that I probably wasn't going to get Buster Posey for Team Koko's catcher again this year, but I was really upset when my Plan B catcher, Joe Mauer, went early in the draft. I feel bad for Miguel Montero since I picked him out of desperation. I hope it works out between us.
Another side question: Am I the only person who thinks baseball catchers gear is sexy?

#14) Addison Reed, Relief Pitcher, Chicago White SoxHe seems very flexible.

#13) Jonathan Niese, Starting Pitcher, New York Mets
We had sort of an on-again/off-again relationship last year. I'm expecting it to be more of the same this year.

#12) Ike Davis, First Base, New York Mets
The picture says it all, really.

#11) Brandon Morrow, Starting Pitcher, Toronto Blue Jays
Considering I picked him fairly early, you'd think I'd have stronger feelings about him. I think he's, I don't know, fine? I was really stressed out at this point during the draft, so I probably just took him because ESPN had him ranked as the best available player. Panic is a really great way to run a team.

#10) Pablo Sandoval, Third Base, San Francisco Giants
That's right, he loves baseball so much--he put a ring on it! Meet the 2012 World Series MVP and my third baseman, Pablo Sandoval.

#9) Mariano Rivera, Relief Pitcher, New York Yankees
Best. Closer. Ever. Added bonus for being the last active player to wear the greatest number in baseball.

#8) Jonathan Papelbon, Relief Pitcher, Philadelphia Phillies
I have a suspicion that Papelbon is an enormous douchebag, but sometimes in sports (as in life) we must work with terrible people with a lot of talent in order to succeed. I'm not here to make imaginary friends--I'm here to dominate a make-believe sport.

#7) Jason Kipnis, Second Base, Cleveland Indians
I'll be okay with Kipnis as long as he wears this cap and not the one with the other hateful logo.

#6) Matt Holliday, Outfield, St. Louis Cardinals
Seriously, the MLB is one beer blast away from turning into a bear bar.

#5) Jacoby Ellsbury, Outfield, Boston Red Sox
The draft clearly wasn't going well for me if I sank so low as to take someone from the hateful Red Sox. Still, I like the Fosse moves and jazz hands while running the bases.

#4) Jose Reyes, Shortstop, Toronto Blue Jays
I wish Reyes was still a Met. Oh well... Happy to have him anyway.

#3) Bryce Harper, Outfield, Washington Nationals
I love how my Bryce Harper loves playing baseball. He is really fun to watch. Plus, he seems like what my father would call "a good egg" and his Tweets (@bharper3407) are adorable.

#2) Justin Verlander, Starting Pitcher, Detroit Tigers
Just because it's an obvious pick doesn't mean there's no strategy behind it. I will use Verlander to get inside my opponents heads and make them fear me. Bonus: Verlander is down with the gays.

#1) Joey Votto, First Base, Cincinnati Reds
Sigh...

These 23 men are the foundation of my pretend sports empire this summer. Stay tuned for updates.

Easter

Holy Women at Christ's Tomb by Annibale Carracci c. 1590

Remember it was women who found the Christ's tomb empty.

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow.The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. –Matthew 28: 1-8

Why were they there? Because as women they had sacred work to do.

When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?" But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. Don’t be alarmed," he said. "You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.'" Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid. When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons. She went and told those who had been with him and who were mourning and weeping. When they heard that Jesus was alive and that she had seen him, they did not believe it. –Mark 16: 1-11 [The earliest manuscripts do not have verses 9-11 which are in italics.]

Of course the boys club of the apostles didn't believe the women because... well, because they were women.

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.'" Then they remembered his words. When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened. –Luke 24: 1-12

Also, who the heck is Joanna? Why is she suddenly so important?

John, as usual, had a whole different story to tell:

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, "They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!"So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.) Then the disciples went back to where they were staying.
Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?"
"They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him." At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."Jesus said to her, "Mary." She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means "Teacher").
Jesus said, "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'"
Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: "I have seen the Lord!" And she told them that he had said these things to her. –John 20: 1-18

Two big points:

1. How are we supposed to take the Gospels literally when they literally don't agree on basic details? While the four versions all have the same big picture of women discovering Christ's tomb empty, the stories are really different.

2. Despite the differences, all the Gospel writers agree that Mary Magdalene who was a prostitute and/or an epileptic was the key figure in the revelation of the resurrection.

Speaking of amazing, radical women and Easter... THIS:

Kiki Loves You Baby Jesus

Celebrate Easter weekend with Kiki & Herb as they honor show business martyrs the Singing Nun, Marelene Dietrich, and, of course, the J.C. Superstar.

Disclaimer: I made this video a couple of years ago but I hold no copyright to any of the material. I'm pretty sure it's completely illegal. Oops.

Welcome Home, Boys

40 years ago, on March 29th, 1973, the last American combat troops left Vietnam.

The American flag is furled at a ceremony marking official deactivation of the
Military Assistance Command-Vietnam (MACV) in Saigon,
after more than 11 years in South Vietnam.

Watching the troops come home is the first news I remember watching on TV. In my memory--which is admittedly a bit hazy here--it's just my mother and I watching (was it during the day so Dad was at work and the other kids were at school?) and Mom is crying tears that are a mix of joy, regret, relief, sorrow and vindication. Of course, at age five, I didn't understand the complexities of the Vietnam War, but I knew it was bad and that we were happy to see the troops come home.

It's no coincidence that "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree" by Dawn featuring Tony Orlando (not Tony Orlando & Dawn as is commonly thought) was the best selling single of 1973.

You'll Reach Your Destiny

This is probably the second most adorable press conference I've ever seen:

Rob Tisinai at Box Turtle Bulletin expresses beautifully why I cried watching Edie Windsor speak today:

What moved me most was her description of how she’d been closeted for so many years, and how she was so grateful today for the kindness in how the Justices treated her.

She was grateful for their kindness.

Take a moment to realize that for most of her life, this kindness — this civility and dignity and respect — was something she and Thea had no reason to expect. It breaks my heart with regret at what these women had to live through, and it breaks my heart with joy that this heroine has never let it overcome her. Edie Windsor has overcome, no matter what the Court decides.

Edie Windsor & Thea Spyer

I made a (probably completely illegal, copyright-breaking) video two years ago celebrating the arrival of Marriage Equality in New York. I'm posting it again today in honor of Edie Windsor and all the other LGBT people who have found a path from tears and sorrow to love and dignity.

THANK YOU!

Saints Sergius & Bacchus Didn't Have Cellphones

Justice Samuel Alito said this today during the oral arguments in Hollingsworth v. Perry today:

Traditional marriage has been around for thousands of years. Same-sex marriage is very new. I think it was first adopted in the Netherlands in 2000. So there isn't a lot of data about its effect. And it may turn out to be a — a good thing; it may turn out not to be a good thing, as the supporters of Proposition 8 apparently believe. But you want us to step in and render a decision based on an assessment of the effects of this institution which is newer than cellphones or the Internet? I mean, we — we are not — we do not have the ability to see the future.

 Um.... WRONG.

Marriage Equality was part of the LGBT rights movement long before cellphones.
This happened in 1971:

Less than two years after the Stonewall uprising, a group of men and women from the Gay Activists Alliance (GAA) walked into the New York City Marriage License Bureau carrying coffee urns and boxes of cake to hold an engagement party for two male couples and to protest the "slander" of City Clerk Herman Katz, who had threatened legal action against same-sex "holy unions" being performed -- yes, already then, in 1971 -- by the Church of the Beloved Disciple, which had a largely gay congregation.

The best part? Someone filmed it!



Read the whole story and see the other videos at The Atlantic, "The Prehistory of Gay Marriage: Watch a 1971 Protest at NYC's Marriage License Bureau".

Same-sex unions have been around for thousands of years--long, long before the Internet.
This is hardly news. John Boswell's Same-Sex Unions in Pre-Modern Europe was published 18 years ago. "Hell, between the 10th and 12th centuries, Christian churches had little problem performing same sex marriage" ceremonies.

Sergius and Bacchus: Patrons Saints of Gay Marriage?

Even if same-sex marriage were brand new, that would have no impact on whether or not it is a right under the United States Constitution. I'll let Thomas Jefferson make the final argument in regards to Alito's misguided (to put it kindly) comments on the "newness" of same-sex marriage:

I am certainly not an advocate for frequent and untried changes in laws and constitutions. I think moderate imperfections had better be borne with; because, when once known, we accommodate ourselves to them, and find practical means of correcting their ill effects. But I know also, that laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths disclosed, and manners and opinions change with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also, and keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy, as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.

So... Bite me, Alito.

Mr. & Mr. Smith Go To Washington

Image via Maddow Blog

The Supreme Court will hear arguments in Hollingsworth v. Perry on Tuesday, March 26th (tomorrow as I write this--but more likely today as you read this) and in Windsor v United States on Wednesday, March 27th. Just the fact that two Marriage Equality cases are before the SCOTUS is historic. Here are some great resources for following the proceedings:




SCOTUSblog is a great blog for all things related to the Supreme Court.  Their Q&A style post on "How historic Supreme Court gay-marriage cases will unfold" is one of the best overviews I've come across.




The American Foundation for Equal Rights is leading the fight against California's Proposition 8. They will also tell you "Everything You Need to Know: Marriage Equality at the Supreme Court".


Ari Ezra Waldman provides excellent and accessible analysis at Towleroad. His most recent post, "Supreme Court Preview: Roberts, Kennedy, and their Court - Some Final Thoughts on Impacts and Outcomes" is a great cheat sheet for the next couple of days.

The really big news is that the Supreme Court will release same-day audio of the arguments on its own website. We will all get a chance to hear these landmark cases almost live.

If you're reading this blog, you are probably already pro Marriage Equality--but here's the amazing Edie Windsor reminding us what the fight is all about:

PS: If that video doesn't bring a tear to your eye, stop reading my blog.